Reality

I haven't written in here real recent but I have thought of it. I
have been SO busy with the Salvation Army, family, friends, and my own
stuff to get by, that I don't get on the computer like I used to which
is really good! I still keep my computer time for all of my old friends
that have hung with me through everything though. I don't think I could
have made it this far without them. There may be a lot of jerks &
users on the web and danger, too, but there are also some wonderful
people. In my 10 years in using it (and then BBS es before that
-remember those?), I have met more than I could ever count. Some I
still know online only, some I met and are my real friends, and I
married one of them (love him no matter what). I think we live in many
realities anyway. The internet is just another one. We each have to
also share each other's realities. This is where getting along comes
into play. I know that this is just another way of looking at Each of
us as an individual but I wanted to write it down for myself. If anyone
reads it and it makes any sense, that is cool. :-)
I may add to this later. Just kinda throwing this in here now. I am
thinking about other things regarding this to clarify further...like how
society seems to go in thisdirection also by encouraging the use of the
"world of..." when speaking of areas of society -
such as the World of Music,
the World of Entertainments, the World of Business, etc..
Just a tiny example that popped into my head.
Of course, I am aways thinking of something, or writing lyrics,
or a new tunes, or singing a song, keeping busy!
Got to keep the mind busy or it will rust. :-D

Love, Hate, Anger

I was thinking the other day about love and hate
some say hate is the absence of love
You know anger is a blindness
I believe love is everywhere in everything
God is love and God is everywhere
So, love can't be absent
So, hate is just the denial of love
Not the absence
It blew me away
So, if anyone opens their heart and sees,
and stops denying the love,
it has been there all the time
And that is for everyone
We are all united as humans
And with all life
Or so I believe
I have been deep
When you have been there, your soul learns a lot
and I don't mean taking drugs, I mean emotional

Forgiveness

This was on a greeting card I came across while sending birthday cards to
friends. It is SO perfectly written that I wanted to save it in my
journal. I feel this way and I wish that everyone else would.

Forgiveness is letting go of the pain
and accepting what has happened,
because it will not change.

Forgiveness is dismissing the blame.
Choices were made that caused the hurt;
we each could have chosen differently,
but we didn't.

Forgiveness is looking at the pain,
learning the lessons it has produced,
and understanding what we have learned.

Forgiveness allows us to move on
towards a better understanding
of universal love and our true purpose.

Forgiveness is knowing that love
is the answer to all questions,
and that we all are in some way connected.

Forgiveness is starting over
with the knowledge that we have gained.
I forgive you, and I forgive myself.
I hope you can do the same.
-Poem by Judith Mammay

I know some things take time, some more for others.
I did not always know how to forgive. I am still not at perfection
but I am a lot closer than I ever was at it. I just hope that all
I know & love will find forgiveness for me and all around them one day.

Music

Performing music is for me to share with myself, those I love, and God.
Other chances are blessings. I do love to sing but it is not a "have-to"
as it used to be. I remember when I felt that I had to at any cost.
I kinda do know why I was like that but I still am figuring it out about myself.
It is really so very difficult to know when my bipolar ended and my old
learned behaviors began.Seeking attention when I felt I had none.
Having to be part of everything. Used to be a biggie.
Along with trying to fix my environment and those closest to me.
Now, I feel happy just to be able to have the music in me and make it.
Whenever and with whomever I can and express it anytime I want, inside or out.
Just being with others making music is like a joining of joy if they are
having fun and are feeling it.
Once, I got lost in the meaning of music. I was lost in everything.
I know there are things I would like to have said in my music and
an audience that I would like to share it with but it will come in time.
And I can make it happen on my own.
I respect all others music and feelings. Any sharing is wonderful.
Whatever the level. Just as long as music happens.
And it is always happening.
--
Everything is music.
Depak Chopra

Love, forgiveness, Anger

No matter how loving, sincere, and humble that we are, still, other's
can't let go of the past with us. They just have not come as far along
the road and REALLY seen the light, if even at all. This is how I view
all interactions and relationships with people that are not loving.
True, the events still hurt some but I do understand and can accept it
much easier. I pray for them and can only hope that they may one day
learn as I have. It is something we discover on our own.
I really like this quote that I read someplace:
Just because someone is unforgiving does not make us unforgiveable.
I used to get angry and react with like behavior but that accomplishes
nothing. It just feeds the pain and hurt. I always felt bad later but
I never could take any of it back. I would feel justified in many ways
because I felt pain, hurt, and anger. This does nothing but
harm and set-backs for our spirit and soul and for others. We are here
to love one another. To share these secrets. Many have come to tell us
this over the centuries. Love is always the key. Of course, Love is
now used to mean things that are really not love. Almost a catch-all
word in some circles.
I like the few lines from a song by Carolyn Arends, "Love is patient, love is kind, never boast or full of pride. Always faithful, always trusts, evidence of Christ in our lives.". There are many wonderful descriptions of love, religious, spiritual, and non-religious. For myself, the all come from the heart. Love is everything. God is in everything.

Surgery successful! I am tired!

I am SO exhausted already! I knew it was no fun spending the night in a hospital with someone but I had forgotten just what it was like. My mom came through the surgery ok and she is going to be fine. I am so relieved now! At least one more thing off of my shoulders.
I did a lot of thinking last night and I have SO many thoughts to share in here BUT I don't have any time now. I am off to the hospital for another night of it. Hopefully, she will be released tomorrow. Off I go!

First Entry, my mom, death

Well, my first entry. I am about to leave to be with my mom for her surgery. My stepdad with be there, too. My brother is at work but close in heart. This is the closest the 3 of us have been in my life. I am worried for obvious reasons but I know it will be alright either way. I know my mom is scared deep inside as most of us would be. She wants this taken care of and over with and has the brave front up. I have that from her. It is why I am going to be with her all that I can. Because I know she really wants someone there. I feel it will all be ok but, even if it is not, it will still be ok.
What is this life for anyway? To find and give peace and love no matter where you turn. At least, that is one thought I have now. :-) Death, which I began to fear so much when Steve died in college seems to be making some sense to me as I get older. Maybe that is the way it is supposed to be if we do it right.