Going on...

Most times, I know the reasons that I keep going. That's why I'm still here & not jumping off of a bridge some place when things get discouraging or I think of the "real world". Its really difficult to lose those you love and friends who disappear. Trusting then being hurt. Being handed more confusion after some questions are answered.

Is it REALLY that difficult to find a man who understands and cares about things as I do? Even if just as a friend. Has the world become so shallow that is next to impossible? I tell myself that I can't be that rare of a bird but where do the other birds like me flock together? I can't even find a female friend who fits this.

Sex is wonderful but falls flat without the rest. So, I've almost forgotten what it is like to have love & sex together. I wonder if I'm going to keep getting older alone. It also seems impossible that one person can approach another and actually relate that they are not just wanting sex or to be judged on the desirability scale. I really feel that I do not fit in this world at all. Actually, I've never thought so.

I need to find the other planet that others like me go & save my money for a ticket.

Get Real

Instead of a year, I'm writing every three months. Maybe I'll get around to every week in a few more years.
If there are a few more years left.

Anyway, I used to be depressed a lot. Crazy in some ways. I think I've been through such storms and, well, just plain crap that I've figured it out. Discouraged. Disappointed. Just can't understand people. Hey, I can get along with anyone and I seem like a cheerleader for happy but it is just because I respect people and realize so many go through the same feelings that I do. then, there are the others. The ones with no feelings.That can see everything only with their own eyes. I'm not gonna get very far with this, its so early. I guess I'll have to come back sooner when the words come easier.
There are people who are as real as can be found in this reality or whatever. They give their hearts. Trust. Love. Never figure out much. Blind. More on that later.
Then, there are the people who are not at all what they seem. Those are the types that seem to find me.
I don't always have to look for them either. I think I have an invisible symbol on my forehead that only these types can see, even over the internet.
Then, there are the ones trapped in-between these two groups.
I'm not sure how big a group we are but it has to be smaller than these two. Very difficult to any others.
Maybe add disillusioned to my list, now that I think about it.
Other labels for these "groups" could be Controlled, Controlling, and Uncontrolled.
Well, just throwing out stuff. I just get a little pissed sometimes about being a sucker.
Thinking someone is one thing when they're another.
Oh, well.