The Search

"Let those who seek, continue seeking until they find.When they find, they will become troubled.  When they become troubled they will be astonished..." "Recognize what is in your sight,and that which is hidden from you will become plain to you."--The Lost Gospel of Thomas
   The search never ends. Knowledge of everything, physical and spiritual, is ongoing. The answers all lie at the end. I know the raod now though. That is a more than most know. I am truly blessed.
   We all teach each other. We all are Love. We all are one.
   Just most don't know this yet.
   Its amazing when you finally see the light.
   Affirmation from someone else that you meet and watch come back from the darkness is totally amazing and teaches more than one could ever believe.
   Such is Gary W. 2 for me.

Love

This is something I had on my Yahoo Messenger from a female friend I know little about. She has only spoken to me a few times over the past 8 months or so and has told me little. I don't even remember what we have chatted about but her profile is odd and the pic is of something odder. So, this really was a surprising thing to get.
   Of course, on the Internet, this could be anybody....
   If you have a penny and I have a penny and we exchange pennies, you still have one cent and I still have one cent. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange ideas, you now have two ideas and I now have two ideas.
   to live is to love, to love is to feel, to feel is to hurt, to hurt is to lose, to lose is to hate, to hate is to heal, to heal is to change, to change is to risk, to risk is to love Love is a risk everyone takes, some of us win, some of us lose, it's a lottery of hearts, you never know what to expect, just keep playing the odds and pray for the best.

Wisdom & Age

Wisdom comes with age but, sometimes, age comes alone.

Seeking, healing, and psych

This was a post that I made to a music list I am on. It was in answer to a shocking show done which was, indeed, appalling. The person on the list said the band needed psychiatric help for doing such a show.........

   Psychiatric help is not always the answer for everything.
Take it from one that knows and has been there.
Just got on the other side good.
It can help but healing does come from within.
Whatever each of us may have inside that that others believe
is not right, will just stay there unless we come to also believe,
in some way, that it needs changed. From there, we will be the
real ones to do it. Everything else is just guidance. This is the only way
if real change happens, as I see it.
   There is a lot of self-expression and what is shown on the outside
and that is a whole different thing. What we do to make others think
or see inside our psyche to gain some understanding to who we are.
That is part of wanting to connect to others and other times,
wanting to seek change in the world around us.
Then there comes down to the search. The seeker.
And that is when we can be the most gullible. And openminded.
And also others most base instincts come out.

   Look at all of the lyrics about searching.
It can be a fascinating time. One of the scariest.
And one of the loneliest.
And one of the most dangerous.

"If it is peace you want,
seek to change yourself,
not other people."

A memory from Childhood about alcohol

I was never around any alcohol in the little Texas town I was raised in. Our church was a strict small Baptist church. No shorts or pants, dancing, movies, etc.. It was amazing we could watch the TV as I look back. I did not even know what the ads on TV were about when it showed beer and such.
The first time that I ever saw anyone drunk was when we were at my grandmother's in Hillsboro. I was maybe about 5. We hadn't been there long when there was a horrible crash! Someone had hit our parked car at a high speed. He was drunk & was walking around. We all went outside. I remember seeing him, stumbling around among everyone that had come out to see what had happened. The police were there, too. I caught his eye & I saw that he had only one arm. He was a sight! Suddenly, my mom gathered my brother & I inside because we shouldn't see or be around a drunk. No telling what he might do next!
I know I heard lots of talk about it after that & over the years but I don't remember any of it. He had no insurance and neither did we so I don't know what we did for a car but it was a mess. It is just good he had not come along when we had just gotten there or he would have probably killed us all.
Still, I can see him today over 40 years later. I have seen many more drunks since but he is the most vivid. What makes people drink like that? That was the one time that I was impacted directly by it. I never thought I would ever be again. I sure know what it is to suffer & be unhappy. That is just not one solution that I can believe helps. Or is fun. I truly think the only thing that does any good is to talk, to hug, & to hold on to each other. And to pray. These don't numb us though. They make us feel. It is easier to run, hide, escape, or drink & drug away, escape in sex or some weirdness or another than to face up to things. I ran away many times. And I learned alot on the journey. But you can only run so far. From that point, you either stand your ground or give up. You can't run forever.
I often wonder what happened to that one armed man. Did he die in a drunken wreck someplace else? Did his liver give out or did he get cancer? Some other awful death? Or maybe he found his strength in himself. Stood his ground one day. Found his peace. Maybe through the help of a little girl's eyes. I would like to think so. The other would be such a waste. Loving someone like that breaks many hearts. They least know, their own.

To addictive husbands (whatever the addiction{s} may be)

I see myself on T.V., I'm a faker, a paper clown
It's clear to all my friends that I habitually lie; I just bring them down
I claim proneness to exaggeration
But the truth lies in my frustration
The children of the night, they all pass me by
Have to drench myself in brandy
In sleep I'll hide
But however much I booze
There ain't no way out
There ain't no way out
I don't care what you say, boy
There ain't no way out

I lose so many nights of sleep worrying about my responsibilities
Are the problems that screw me up really down to her or me
My ego will just confuse me
Some day it's going to up and use me
Dish me out another tailor-made compliment
Tell me about some destiny I can't prevent
And however much I squirm
There ain't no way out
There ain't no way out
I don't care what you say, boy
There ain't no way out

Won't somebody tell me how to get out of this place?!

Then the night comes down like a cell door closing
Suddenly I realize that I'm right now, I'm on the scene
While sitting here all alone with a bottle and my head a-floating
Far away from the phone and the conscience going on at me
And on at me, and I don't care what you say
There ain't no way out
There ain't no way out

Now the walls are all clawed and scratched
Like by some soul insane
In the morning I humbly detach myself
I take no blame
I just can't face my failure
I'm nothing but a well fucked sailor
You at home can easily decide what's right
By glancing very briefly at the songs I write
But it don't help me that you know
This ain't no way out
Won't somebody tell me?
I don't care what you say, boy
There ain't no way out

There ain't no way out
There ain't no way out
There ain't no way out

Give me the key, lock it away

There ain't
There ain't
There ain't no way out
There ain't no way out
There ain't no way out

The Who - However Much I Booze

Tomorrow

Every day, every way
tomorrow, it's your saving grace
well, got no time to worry
'cause I've got no time to hurry
baby, it's your saving grace